I got a new bike and rant on performance bikes

"CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist)" (ccpbb)
03/19/2015 at 18:20 • Filed to: Performance bikes, rants

Notice to readers that this was originally writen on March 15th, and now I have formally ended my career at performance, I am posting this.

This is a ~2011 Focus Raven. And it's newish. let me explain.

I work at performance. Or soon will not be, because the one I work at is closing. Performance has a unique kind of customer. The jackass that buys a bike, rides the literal fuck out of it, then returns it beat up or broken for full price in cash or store credit after a year. And there isn't a limit for how long you can return it. It's fucking idiotic. So what do the bikes end up? Garbage bin?

Noooooo!

A lot of returned bikes usually get sold again. As new. Don't ask me why, but I'm pretty sure it's illegal. We clean up the whole bike, (91% rubbing alcohol works extremely well) and clean up all the paint marks/dings (fingernail Polish, we have a box of them). Tires require a brush, paper towels, and rubbing alcohol. Or shop use new ones (deducing them from inventory) if the jackass wore the tires to a extreme extent (usually with road tires). And speaking of tires, there are so many assholes who buy Contis, ride the fuck out of them, and then return them. We have so many of those. We have a Continental Gatorskin where said asshole wore this to the point of squaring, then returned it. The return tag on it says one word "Splits". Probably some idiotic excuse said asshole used to return it. And we toss all that stuff afterward.

This is a Continental Grand Prix 2000 S returned for a bead that got blown apart probably because the person (likely a Fred) got a pinched tube while installing his tire. This I would consider as a "reasonable" return. I had to cut this fucker in half before throwing it away, and it required two pairs of pliers, a pocketknife, a vice, scissors, and plenty of elbow grease. I hate Kevlar beads. At least Contis have a softer compound. Forte tires are bulletproof. I hate mounting their road tires. They suck. They have impossibly hard compound and strong ass beads.

Here is a pump I rescued from the immenent fate of a pair of sharp snippers cutting the air hose in half and into the dumpster. It's a Lezyne Alloy Floor drive, that roughly costs 60-80 dollars. The jackass that returned it decided to return it after wearing all the seals and o rings out (at least a few years old, and I think this guy used this thing at a bike shop). said jackass decided to use some sort of belt sander and sand down the base where you would place your feet, and all around the vertical sides of the pump body. And it was falling apart, formerly disassembled, and parts missing. I saved it with a rebuild kit I got for free from Lezyne. It's now my daily use/house pump/race pump. It's awesome.

Here is a Fuji Absolute. Fujis suck, and they will forever. This wonderful human being returned his 5+ year old bike (gauging from the paint motif) because he snapped his fucking frame at the head tube. How? Did this human run this bike into a car port? This human garbage got his money back for a stupid thing he did. Oh yes, the lance Stinger gels down there! I believe after his confession, we took down the Stingers with his face. Those still taste disgusting. And the stingers go along with the expired nutritional crap we have. We eat them, as there are likely so many preservatives in all of the stuff that it wouldn't be any different after many years.

And here's a story about the Safeway employee and his fixie. Some guy brought in his bike all bent up, said he came in contact with a stick going into his spoke which resulted in a crash. Oh wait, he also had a BENT FRAME AND A OH SO FUCKED UP FORK/WHEEL. I don't know how you do that on a trail, my only guess is someone with a plow mounted on their bike going at 30 mph that crashes into the fixie while the fixie is doing a 90° slide/tail whip. Said Safeway employee then buys a near top of the line track bike from fuji. Somewhere eyeballing 1500 dollars.

This bad boy. We end up building this for him. He ends up Picking it up and as bringing it in later to get the wheels trued as it was sorta wobbly (frequently happens with performance bikes, as we get the poorly trued wheels out of the box). Mechanic trued it and said "now don't crash this one!" The Safeway Employee laughs and says he crashed his last Fuji into a car while he was drunk. He then leaves. The Mechanic says "We aren't helping that guy anymore with any repairs."

And some asshole brought in his Absolute 1.5 that was several sizes too small. He was 5' 2". He had a bike for someone 5' 4". He returned it with minimal to no use, except a for a 2 mm deep scratch across the top tube! Asshole.

Oh yes, if you return someone for no apparent reason except you liked it, used the fuck out of it, and then returned it, expect some glares from the staff. And all of these returns are allowed. Under some absurd guideline that allows all returns with no real restriction, at the sake of customer satisfaction. Wear and tear? YES. You break it while having sex? YES. The "lifetime guarantee" guarantees you the lifetime of the product, we don't expect you to put it in your will, and have your grandchild to bring it in for a "lifetime guarantee service" or to return it, 10 years later. (Yes, that's happened).

So back to the Focus Raven. This frame is a 2011 model frame. It has 2009-2010 ish model fork and a 2009-2010 ish smattering of non mechanical parts. Some jackass who rode the fuck out of it as usual, cracked the frame and decided to return it. Usually we call up manufacturers and tell them to send over a new frame because we have one returned or on hold that is cracked. we got a new frame 4 years ago. Meanwhile, the cracked one had all the mechanical parts removed and presumably *cough* "disposed" *cough* because they were either beat up to shit or they weren't compatible with the newer model frame. (Focus was one of the more legit better bike brands we sold, one that put actual upgrades for a newer model of a bike unlike Fuji or diamondback). This was a pet project for a former mechanic that ordered new parts (on Performance's tab) and "planned" to install them. The dérailleurs weren't on, the bike had been hanging for the past 4 years from the ceiling. There were just some BB30 deore cranks that were put on loosely.

I asked my boss week after week about the bike to ask his boss (the district manager) about the pricing. After many weeks, I just gave up. After I got the news we were closing, I decided to ask again. Within a week, I got a reply that the DM was complaining that it had XT parts, blah blah blah. I then didn't give a shit, and the DM wouldn't accept a cash offer from employee about a bike even he couldn't sell. Focus had already (by the time I started working here) stopped being a dealer for ours, probably when the German CEO of Focus realized Performance was a joke, and actual LBS's are much better. (lol a month or two ago, I could still get dealer pricing for a bunch of their bikes before they shut that down for us). Anyways, someone else got intrested. A former employee. From what I heard, he returned this and wanted to buy it back. I quickly started talking about my willingness to pay for the Focus to my managers. They got no reply from the DM and ended up taking the Task of asking me to name a price. I said 800. They said ok. Ringing it up proved difficult, as there was no UPC. It ended up with a closely calculated bike price that totaled up to 800 (including tax), me waiting 3 hours, doing my workout in a stuffy humid back room with a trainer, and the manager having to look in inventory for the bike upc. Apparently, this was formerly 3000 dollars. (Probably they just randomly found something close to what trim it originally was, likely BS) It resulted in a phone call manager to manager with the last question being "So you want to sell a 3000 dollar bike for 800 dollars?" 800 dollars later, it was mine. As I bought a complete bike, I could use the new parts that weren't installed on there to make it a complete bike. This bike was a joy to build up. No POS Fuji or diamondback or GT faults, no crabon. A actual nice bike, the first I ever bought. I was also warned by a fellow employee to haul it out as soon as possible to avoid any conflict if any intrested buyers/DM came across it. I have yet to ride it on the trails. I plan to do that tomorrow. Meanwhile, I have confirmed Avid makes seriously shitty stuff. This bike had a børked up hydraulic brake. I had to call several other bike shops and travel to two of them to get brake parts. I also discovered the street manuaverability of this bike with only one functional brake. Bleeding the brake is worse. Just...awful. 2 times already. I hate avid brakes and surely will never touch Sram. It's a franken bike. I can't deny that.

I have now ended my career and performance. Even though it was a flawed place, it was a great place. We all had fun. We all had great memories, the greatest memories, and the best times. Good bye performance, may you live in our hearts as the neighborhood joke of a friendly neighbor.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kCdjvT…

DISCUSSION (4)

whiskeybusiness NOW A DANGER TO CROWDS NEAR YOU > CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist)
03/19/2015 at 21:55

I know the feeling of dealing with shady, disrespectful shitheads at bike shops. Lots of people we dealt with tried to screw us in some way, and the rest, while well intentioned, rode their bikes into the ground and then claimed our negligence. Of course its our fault your tube went flat WHEN THE RIM HAS TURNED INTO A DAMN TACO.

However, I disagree that Fuji's are garbage. Yes, they make some garbagey bikes, but so do most manufacturers at the low end. Their midrange bikes are excellent value and perform their task extremely well, and their high end stuff is superior to anything at a similar price. I promise, they don't pay me to say that.

But you really scored on that bike, I hope you enjoy it!

CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist) > whiskeybusiness NOW A DANGER TO CROWDS NEAR YOU
03/19/2015 at 23:12

I agree with your point with people running them into the ground, like when a teacher brought in a bike with 3 years of gunk on her entire bike. It's the life of the product prolonged by maintenance, and there's a point of putting it down at some sort of time.

Fujis are decent at the low end, but I have to concur that the high end is not so bad. At another bike shop, I can't get a carbon road bike with stuff higher than tiagra for less than 1500 dollars. At performance I could. and I fondly remember a Grand Fondo with ultegra Di2 and race face cranks for 2500. You can't touch a specialized or a trek at that price range.

Thanks about the bike again!

Mister Happy > CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist)
03/17/2017 at 17:42

Performance just ended the lifetime satisfaction guarantee. For consumers that really sucks and less people will shop there. More stores will close

CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist) > Mister Happy
03/18/2017 at 01:15

The lifetime guarantee policy ended several years ago, when people were fucking returning 10 year old frames and 13 year old sets of continental tires. Performance has been a place for rich assholes to buy deeply discounted accessories and then to return them when they’re tired of them. We end up having a bunch of worn out merch we get deducted from our sales numbers and then destroy the merch.

There was also a couple who bought 2 mtb based hybrids and were even a special order...Maybe a sale of like 1200 dollars. They picked it up before a weekend and returned it after a weekend. They complained it was “heavy” and the bikes were also coated in dirt from their camping trip. These people were also bike people, as one of the individuals was wearing a cycling t shirt.

These people ruin it for everyone, and that’s why there isn’t a lifetime guarantee anymore.